Antwerp, a gay city: instructions for visitors

As mentioned on antwerppride.com, Antwerp is “Europe’s gay harbour”, so as a native I feel the natural urge to provide some essential instructions for visitors. Obviously, being a straight visitor can be a confusing endeavour in this gay town, so just follow my steps and don’t get into trouble. [Note: all shots taken outside the Antwerp Navigaytion 2009 grounds - 2008 images and video]

Upon disembarking from your cruise-liner, you will notice a huge sign stating “Antwerp, gay”. It’s considered courteous to have your picture taken right in front of this gay entrance sign. So even if you’re Muslim, straight & just married, only walking your dog or strolling with your 3 yo child: please, follow the rules – this is a respected gay town and we adhere to a zero tolerance policy. [My photo: the entrance to the gay city of Antwerp, Belgium, right above the cruise terminal). OK, all clear, you're in and safe, for the time being.

Next: obligatory rules of engagement. When strolling along the riverbanks, you will notice a huge number of semi-naked muscle males and individuals of undetermined sex. Approach with caution, but please, keep smiling! Being gay, some of the Antwerp natives will try to touch you or show you "what they've got": no panic, just go with the flow and stay safe! [My photo: staying safe when engaging the gay Antwerp natives. Notice how even the elderly dress 'wild'. ]

Common mistakes: gender confusion or assuming the gay locals are trying to ’seduce’ you. Warning: the Antwerp locals (both male & just having a break, on my shot below) only care for themselves (memorize this word: “narcissism”) and their attempts to show off have no emotional connotation whatsoever. In their world, you’re only a throw-away toy. So behave like one and stay safe, capito?

Entertainment & appropriate behaviour is another confusing issue for visitors to the gay city of Antwerp. Yes, it is perfectly OK to board a vessel with 200 semi-naked men/women dancing, but please, dress appropriately! Also, in case you don’t comply with physical minimal conformity standards your stay in Gay Antwerp might become a very short one. My pictures below: left: appropriate dress and show-off attitude. Right: totally unacceptable “let’s look at the zoo animals” gazing behaviour from straight visitors – warning: you may be deported

Anyway, I hope your visit to gay Antwerp will be an enjoyable one (provided you follow our zero tolerance policy towards non-tolerance, obviously). Just in case you wanted to enjoy a non-gay romantic river view, or visit our  “steen” (“stone”) castle museum that used to house the national Belgian maritime museum: sorry folks, it’s been turned into a drag queen venue. But hey, don’t let that spoil the fun: visit the gay port of Antwerp, the most liberal gay town on the face of the planet (I’m sorry, this write up was posted under duress   )

The real Antwerp Pride 2009: first pre-navigaytion images

The real Antwerp Pride (unlike www.antwerppride.com): an integrated Antwerp local of African descent sells her great tasting BBQ food on a car-free street in downtown Antwerp, Belgium, just meters away from tomorrow’s departing point of numerous boats with some “proud” drunken dancing queens at Navigaytion (www.navigaytion.be ). 2008 Navigaytion party shots and video available here.

[Update June 27, 11 pm: I just returned from Navigaytion, having taken 300 shots from the elevated riverbanks. Blazing sunshine, friendly & wild, but much "straighter". I was overcome by a "I've seen this too many times" feeling: : people enjoying the culture of unadulterated narcissism in open air. The crowded was mixed (though +90% gay) with a yearly 'let's peek at this weird gay zoo" part where a large crowd of tourists and locals persistently gazed for hours at (and photographed) the Navigaytion crowd from the elevated riverside terraces. At times, it became funny, though slightly embarrassing. Anyway, Navigaytion 2009 turned out to be a predictable, virtually perfect carbon-copy of its 2008 edition. Yawn. "]

Antwerp gay pride & Navigaytion 2009: drunken queens on a boat

Quote from the ‘Antwerp Pride’ website:  www.antwerppride.com (check out event promo video 1, video 2)
“The city of Antwerp, clubs, cafés, fetish bars, erotic shops, bookshops, museums, LGBT organisations welcome you and your friends to Antwerp for the second edition of Antwerp Pride. Join ten thousands of visitors for an unforgettable pride weekend in Europe’s gay harbour, Antwerp. The combined forces of the large gay community and the support of the city of Antwerp will ensure another exciting edition.” Europe’s gay harbour? Someone must be joking. (But even the Russians in the Ukraine covered it]

OK, take two, now without the “we just love an influx of 30,000 cash-spending tourists, and we would bend over backwards to attract them, even if they came from Uranus” PR:  ‘Antwerp Pride 2009 is a yearly gay event that focuses on its highlight, Navigaytion 2009, a commercial “drunken queens showing off on ten riverboats” event surrounded by numerous huge parties, an open air fetish & leather-scene show and countless activities where gay emancipation has long been replaced by cashing-in on the influx of gay tourists.

If you care for my 2008 Navigaytion pictures and video, feel free to check them out.  Just added: some 2009 shots

[Update June 27, 10 pm: I just returned from Navigaytion, having taken 300 shots from the elevated riverbanks. Blazing sunshine, friendly & wild, be it with much less visitors. I was overcome by a "I've seen this too many times" feeling: people enjoying the culture of unadulterated narcissism in open air. The crowded was mixed (though +90% gay) with a yearly 'let's peek at this weird gay zoo" part where a large crowd of tourists and locals gazed at (and photographed) the Navigaytion crowd from the elevated riverside terraces. At times, it became funny, though slightly embarrassing. Anyway, Navigaytion 2009 turned out to be a predictable, perfect carbon-copy of its 2008 edition. "]</

Belgian Gay MP marries male partner

Jean-Jacques Flahaut, Belgian member of parliament will marry his male partner next Saturday. The happy couple, who met in 2006, was congratulated by several government members, including the (Christian/Catholic) Belgian prime minister. Flahaut is the fist gay Belgian MP to marry after Belgium legalized same-sex marriages back in 2003.

You know, whenever I read these happy tidings I need to take a break, not sure how I really feel or whether I need to reevaluate my ideas about gay marriage. Like you may or may not know, I’ve been in a relationship with my male partner for quite some time. The past few years I’ve become increasingly uncomfortable attending weddings of straight friends, with one recent gay marriage in Antwerp making me want to leave early.

Facing up to my true feeling I realize I’m just like most of you: I’d enjoy that same kind of social acceptance that seems to be reserved to those who take the plunge, realizing that at times it’s all much more than a signed piece of paper and a big party. It can actually become a social entry ticket that reads “you’re one of us”.

Cured from being gay, assisted by Amazon.com recovery books

Spring is in the air in Antwerp: like most years this means rediscovering the outdoors, savouring the vibe induced by the first warm sunny days and a certain “je ne sais quoi” feeling, a hidden longing that used to cause sleepless nights each and every spring.

But this year this unidentified need finally became abundantly clear when my lovely, very religious neighbours ever so convincingly & repeatedly invited me over for coffee and much, much more. Before I knew what had happened I was holding a superb work titled “You Don’t Have to Be Gay: Hope and Freedom for Males Struggling With Homosexuality” in my unsuspicious hands. In fact, virtually every book listed at Amazon.com when entering “homosexuality” mentioned a cure or religion, and they still do.

My kind expat neighbour from Mississippi elaborately explained how many formerly gay men she had empowered, empowered to see the light using simple medical electroshocks, how many of these confused men she had assisted in marrying an imported, big-breasted Russian-with-two kids, efforts that had all culminated in finally living that perfect straight life a devil-induced temptation had prevented them from enjoying. She introduced me to an unlicensed US MD who ran a salvation clinic here in Antwerp, a man kind enough to repeatedly shock my brain, ensuring me he would successfully cure me from this gay disease. He soon became my Savior, rescuing me from a life of gay sin. Obviously, assisted by all these great Gay Cure works prominently listed at amazon.com.

Kids, a lovely Russian wife, a wholesome faith, finally being one of the boys: hey, who could resist? So I jumped in at the deep end for what had become a wild rollercoaster ride towards total liberation and straight freedom. And here I was: waiting for my new wife and children to arrive, provided my €/$ 30,000 check would clear.  But to be honest, I did sometimes wake up all sweaty in the middle of the night, dreaming about the man I had intended to grow old with. “Tricks of the devil”, my neighbour ensured me, “pray more and read all those great Amazon.com books”.

Having read each and every great book I could buy at amazon.com about “homosexuality”, (‘A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality’, ‘Coming Out of Homosexuality’, ‘Coming Out Straight: Understanding and Healing Homosexuality’: thank you, Amazon!) I still became somewhat hesitant at times and really could have used more of your wholesome advice. I mean, if only I kept on praying real, real hard I would remain straight until my new wife arrived, right? Hey, they all promised it was meant to be this way: even the Amazon.com operator claimed these books were masterpieces. And if you can’t trust Amazon, who can you trust?

In the end, my new Russian wife and children never showed up (the €/$ 30,000 check was cashed though). And no matter how many books from Amazon on Healing Homosexuality I kept on reading to prepare, the electroshocks didn’t prevent me from calling my male partner, begging him to take me back. He cried and held me for hours. This morning we burnt the last books from Amazon. And called our lawyer.

Are you a satisfied Amazon.com customer too? [Worth reading: "Is Amazon homophobic?"]

Antwerp city to sponsor Gay Pride 2009, alongside extreme sex clubs

I’m quite upset reading that my “beloved” city of Antwerp is once again an official sponsor of the Antwerp Gay Pride 2009, a predominantly commercial event where gay emancipation has long been replaced by cashing-in on the influx of gay tourists. But what I, and a majority of responsible gay Antwerp citizens cannot fathom is the need to stand alongside extreme-sex fetish events such as A hard Night, featuring some clubs that have a bad track record or are just notorious for the unsafe sex practices of their visitors.

Dear city of Antwerp, do you actually realize that you are sharing a bed with sleazy clubs such as The Kinky’s, a private, gay, extreme fetish club? [Update: Antwerp pride removed the link after discovering  this post...] Many of us are utterly shocked, especially since this way Antwerp City indirectly appears to endorse extreme sex clubs catering to a livestyle that is bound to spread STDs and potentially even HIV.  The fact that safe-sex advocate organization “Sensoa” is also one of the sponsors makes this Antwerp Gay Pride 2009 event utterly unreal.

[Tragic note: in 1999 a Belgian court judge was fired after engaging in SM with his own wife. He even lost his civil rights. Ten years later the city of Antwerp is endorsing an open air SM and fetish fair near the prestigious city marina next June. Weird, isn't it?]

We, the majority of responsible gay Antwerp citizens urge everyone to contact the city of Antwerp to object to their sponsorship.

Tioman Island, revisited

It’s been years since I last saw you WP, ten years to be exact. Ten years of total silence, knowing you are only a three hours drive away, yet no longer physically reachable.

There must have been a compelling reason for me to seal that old carton box from Singapore with industrial strength duct-tape, as somehow I believed time would heal the pain, that somehow these old memories would have lost much of their power if I just waited long enough. I was so wrong.

Opening that picture box felt at first like an innocent trip down memory lane: our condo in Flamingo Valley, the sultry nights spent on Tioman island in a meranti cabin with the cries of monkeys breaking the hissing sound of the jungle, the virgin beaches of Turkey before mass-tourism invaded them all, our sleek convertible on the way to Key West and even our travels through the neverending jungle near San Blas, Jalisco, Mexico, on route to Puerto Vallarta.  That was our life, W, an exciting, compelling and utterly fulfilling jet-setting life that I cherished and remember oh so well. But that box became a box of Pandora when I stumbled upon your last will and testament, the checks and statements confirming I would no longer be living in the upscale suburban house we had both come to love, the old videotapes showing me walking my dog, a dog that has probably long passed away.  I’d never expected to lose it all in one single breath.

Upon opening that professionally sealed box last night the memories we once shared came back to haunt me W. And I now realize it won’t be easy to step back into the cold reality of Antwerp, Belgium, 2009 and just forget about what truly was the best part of my life.

Are you really straight?

Imagine when you would have to face this on a daily basis. How would you feel, being really “straight” in a non-straight world?

[Thanks for the link, talk of the town! (blog in Dutch)]

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Gay equals $0, straight equals $400,000

It’s a sunny day in Antwerp, Belgium, but I’m outraged. Like you may or may not know: I’m gay, living in a committed relationship with my male partner (who I only wish I’d see more often these days: he has a place of his own and his life has become hectic). Belgium is one of those rare countries offering its gay citizens full equal rights: gay marriage, gay adoption, legal protection against bigotry, along with a tolerant, liberal population without the classic overwhelming “it’s a sin” Christian religious attitude. Sure, we have right-wing bigotry and migrant Muslim intolerance towards gay citizens, but in general, most people adhere to the live and let live attitude.

Unfortunately, my parents broke that “in general” rule. While long having accepted my male partner, they recently decided that my late grandfather’s 300,000 euro ($400,000) house, a part of my expected future inheritance and originally for sale, “could serve best” as the home of my straight brother, since they totally adored watching his ever growing family live near their suburban home. To make it all legal, they came up with a waterproof  “he’s renting it” construction, but let’s face it: my granddad’s house won’t be sold anytime soon. Upon confronting my folks with this unequal treatment, my father smiled and claimed he was convinced I felt just fine in my (rented) historic downtown home, totally ignoring reality: I’ve had it with downtown living and long to return to green suburbia. I didn’t push to get to the bottom of it all, my parents had made a very clear, not to be discussed choice.

So here I am, still somewhat stunned, wondering how to react when being invited by my charming ’straight’ brother to check out his new home and enjoy the company of his (quite adorable) family, as if nothing had changed.  You know, this hurts, watching how my parents made clear they prefer having their grandchildren close, even if it means basically ignoring the needs of their gay son.

Like a gay friend of mine used to say: “no matter how many laws, no matter how much tolerance, we will often remain second class citizens”.  This “second class citizen” was last visited by his parents 8y ago, although I do visit them every month at their place.

[Update: I got a message from a fellow blogger urging me to post more upbeat, more 'positively entertaining' write-ups.  With countless great summer pictures/memories I'm quite able to follow that road, but when reality bites I feel the need to blog about that reality. Upbeat,  'positively entertaining' write-up coming up.  But I grew up in the green suburbia and had intended to return there now that I'm 'all grown up'. The incident above will make that virtually impossible.  Update 2: "what made you happiest all these years", my partner asked me, "the houses you lived in or the people who cared about you?".  Guess I'm OK now."]