Antwerp, a gay city: instructions for visitors

As mentioned on antwerppride.com, Antwerp is “Europe’s gay harbour”, so as a native I feel the natural urge to provide some essential instructions for visitors. Obviously, being a straight visitor can be a confusing endeavour in this gay town, so just follow my steps and don’t get into trouble. [Note: all shots taken outside the Antwerp Navigaytion 2009 grounds - 2008 images and video]

Upon disembarking from your cruise-liner, you will notice a huge sign stating “Antwerp, gay”. It’s considered courteous to have your picture taken right in front of this gay entrance sign. So even if you’re Muslim, straight & just married, only walking your dog or strolling with your 3 yo child: please, follow the rules – this is a respected gay town and we adhere to a zero tolerance policy. [My photo: the entrance to the gay city of Antwerp, Belgium, right above the cruise terminal). OK, all clear, you're in and safe, for the time being.

Next: obligatory rules of engagement. When strolling along the riverbanks, you will notice a huge number of semi-naked muscle males and individuals of undetermined sex. Approach with caution, but please, keep smiling! Being gay, some of the Antwerp natives will try to touch you or show you "what they've got": no panic, just go with the flow and stay safe! [My photo: staying safe when engaging the gay Antwerp natives. Notice how even the elderly dress 'wild'. ]

Common mistakes: gender confusion or assuming the gay locals are trying to ’seduce’ you. Warning: the Antwerp locals (both male & just having a break, on my shot below) only care for themselves (memorize this word: “narcissism”) and their attempts to show off have no emotional connotation whatsoever. In their world, you’re only a throw-away toy. So behave like one and stay safe, capito?

Entertainment & appropriate behaviour is another confusing issue for visitors to the gay city of Antwerp. Yes, it is perfectly OK to board a vessel with 200 semi-naked men/women dancing, but please, dress appropriately! Also, in case you don’t comply with physical minimal conformity standards your stay in Gay Antwerp might become a very short one. My pictures below: left: appropriate dress and show-off attitude. Right: totally unacceptable “let’s look at the zoo animals” gazing behaviour from straight visitors – warning: you may be deported

Anyway, I hope your visit to gay Antwerp will be an enjoyable one (provided you follow our zero tolerance policy towards non-tolerance, obviously). Just in case you wanted to enjoy a non-gay romantic river view, or visit our  “steen” (“stone”) castle museum that used to house the national Belgian maritime museum: sorry folks, it’s been turned into a drag queen venue. But hey, don’t let that spoil the fun: visit the gay port of Antwerp, the most liberal gay town on the face of the planet (I’m sorry, this write up was posted under duress   )

Cured from being gay, assisted by Amazon.com recovery books

Spring is in the air in Antwerp: like most years this means rediscovering the outdoors, savouring the vibe induced by the first warm sunny days and a certain “je ne sais quoi” feeling, a hidden longing that used to cause sleepless nights each and every spring.

But this year this unidentified need finally became abundantly clear when my lovely, very religious neighbours ever so convincingly & repeatedly invited me over for coffee and much, much more. Before I knew what had happened I was holding a superb work titled “You Don’t Have to Be Gay: Hope and Freedom for Males Struggling With Homosexuality” in my unsuspicious hands. In fact, virtually every book listed at Amazon.com when entering “homosexuality” mentioned a cure or religion, and they still do.

My kind expat neighbour from Mississippi elaborately explained how many formerly gay men she had empowered, empowered to see the light using simple medical electroshocks, how many of these confused men she had assisted in marrying an imported, big-breasted Russian-with-two kids, efforts that had all culminated in finally living that perfect straight life a devil-induced temptation had prevented them from enjoying. She introduced me to an unlicensed US MD who ran a salvation clinic here in Antwerp, a man kind enough to repeatedly shock my brain, ensuring me he would successfully cure me from this gay disease. He soon became my Savior, rescuing me from a life of gay sin. Obviously, assisted by all these great Gay Cure works prominently listed at amazon.com.

Kids, a lovely Russian wife, a wholesome faith, finally being one of the boys: hey, who could resist? So I jumped in at the deep end for what had become a wild rollercoaster ride towards total liberation and straight freedom. And here I was: waiting for my new wife and children to arrive, provided my €/$ 30,000 check would clear.  But to be honest, I did sometimes wake up all sweaty in the middle of the night, dreaming about the man I had intended to grow old with. “Tricks of the devil”, my neighbour ensured me, “pray more and read all those great Amazon.com books”.

Having read each and every great book I could buy at amazon.com about “homosexuality”, (‘A Parent’s Guide to Preventing Homosexuality’, ‘Coming Out of Homosexuality’, ‘Coming Out Straight: Understanding and Healing Homosexuality’: thank you, Amazon!) I still became somewhat hesitant at times and really could have used more of your wholesome advice. I mean, if only I kept on praying real, real hard I would remain straight until my new wife arrived, right? Hey, they all promised it was meant to be this way: even the Amazon.com operator claimed these books were masterpieces. And if you can’t trust Amazon, who can you trust?

In the end, my new Russian wife and children never showed up (the €/$ 30,000 check was cashed though). And no matter how many books from Amazon on Healing Homosexuality I kept on reading to prepare, the electroshocks didn’t prevent me from calling my male partner, begging him to take me back. He cried and held me for hours. This morning we burnt the last books from Amazon. And called our lawyer.

Are you a satisfied Amazon.com customer too? [Worth reading: "Is Amazon homophobic?"]

Are you really straight?

Imagine when you would have to face this on a daily basis. How would you feel, being really “straight” in a non-straight world?

[Thanks for the link, talk of the town! (blog in Dutch)]

Navigaytion 2008: first live pictures and video

As Antwerp Navigaytion 2008 insisted on messing up a peaceful sunny afternoon on my Antwerp balcony (the china is shaking in my kitchen, the hard-core noise will be shaking the foundations of my riverside home until midnight), I couldn’t resist taking these pictures from this ongoing event (YouTube video coming up). Although Ludo (the Red&Blue owner) had been ‘kind enough’ to mail me a free entrance ticket (along with half of the gay community, clever marketing as usual), I refused to take part in this massive hedonistic private gay dance party on what still is a public space. I kindly waved when he passed me by. The crowd looks very international, with very large numbers of gay visitors from Holland, France and Germany. Most appear quite young, show visible signs of pathological narcissism and behave like members of any crowd: loud, arrogant, dumb, dumber, dumbest. There have been no incidents up to this very moment (7.30 pm UTC/GMT+2). At midnight, the riverside party will move into the nearby gay dance clubs. I just went out buying some groceries at the Hilton shopping center: Antwerp is packed with gay tourists, predominantly in the 18-30 age range.

A large number of locals and casual tourists are taking pictures of the ongoing riverside dance event, only mildly amused by this public show of “gay pride”. Basically, this is the classic gay dance club crowd as seen in any large city: arrogant, provocative and half naked. The social and safe-sex part (4,000 free condoms, along with the presence of ‘thefirstgay.be”) was ignored by most attending.

The weather has been great, so I know who will be laughing all the way to the bank tonight. How do these events make you feel? I’m feeling only slightly annoyed, realized there will be no trace left of “Navigaytion” tomorrow [please click to enlarge]

Shots taken with a Canon between 5-11 pm Saturday June 28, 2008, at the grounds of this narcissistic show of commercial gay hedonism. Notice the cardboard cut-out of the actor: http://www.brucemontague.co.uk starred in a hilarious safe-sex commercial produced by Brussels ad agency www.tbwa.be, commissioned by www.sensoa.be and unexpectedly aired on local TV stations like ATV this morning. Altough the public grabbed the 4,000 free condoms, the Antwerp Gay Pride included extreme/leather venues where safe sex comes as an afterthought. The guy in the last shot (well, boy, he hardly looked 18 ) was body-painted in silver, promoting Bacardi “Razz”, a drink from a company sponsoring the www.antwerppride.eu Pride?, who’s proud? Grab the cash!

Benjamin uploaded some more short video clips to his blog over at towntalk.worpress.com [Blog in Dutch].

‘The Fist Gay’ visits Antwerp Gay Pride 2008

Benjamin, over at towntalk.wordpress.com [in Dutch] posted that the upcoming Navigaytion dance event (June 28, private ) will feature a special appearance by www.thefirstgay.be,  a British actor seen in this Flemish government-sponsored YouTube Gay safe-sex video.

Update June 21:posted version with Dutch subtitles. Benjamin informed me the actor is Bruce Montague

Although I applaud this (produced by TWBA advertising)  entertaining safe-sex message from sensoa, I decided that I (and my partner, and many of our friends) will avoid this over-commercialised ‘Navigaytion’ private dance party by choice, and maybe you should too

[June 2009: this YouTube video has been set to "private" by sensoa, a weird move they refuse to discuss in public.]

Gay pride Brussels: the ultimate drag queen shot

Last weekend Belgium saw the annual Brussels gay pride. I’m no longer into ‘gay prides’, not even the Antwerp edition next June. I can post a long write-up, but this single stunning shot by talented photographer Jacques Verees perfectly managed to capture why I avoid these ‘prides’. Take a long look at this shot. Can you imagine that, no matter how tolerant I may be, no matter how comfortable I feel ‘just letting go, being crazy and wild’, I feel like I have nothing in common with these men? That I don’t want to be associated with the public provocative behavior they stand for? Notice they have bad teeth, bad taste, but oh boy, they are sooo proud My significant other rolled on the floor laughing when he looked at this shot – did it induce the same emotions with you? [Image link courtesy of Jaco]

What have you done today, to make you feel proud?

When Belgian cable channel 2BE broadcasted the final scenes of the groundbreaking, gay US cult series Queer as folk last week (originally aired on Showtime USA, 2005), my s/o affectionately grabbed my hand when in the final scene, [main character] Brian [in his bombed gay dance club, victim of a violent anti-gay hate crime] started dancing to (YouTube video) Heather Small’s “Proud,” ["What have you done today to make you feel proud?"], a song that accompanied a pivotal scene between Brian and Michael in the very first episode of the series. It all ended with a semi-philosophical quote by Michael: “So the “thumpa thumpa” continues. It always will. No matter what happens. No matter who’s president. As our lady of Disco, the divine Miss Gloria Gaynor has always sung to us: We will survive.”

This American gay TV series was truly groundbreaking on many social levels. Although our dancing days may be over, to myself and my s/o this scene fundamentally conveyed the feeling that whatever the odds, no matter how many walls may have collapsed, we still strongly believe in ourselves, proud of who we fundamentally are. A most uplifting feeling on a rainy Belgian day. Are you proud too?

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“Stuff White People Like: Having Gay Friends”

The #1 Worldpress blog ” http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com posted its ultimate satirical blogpost yesterday: in “having gay friends” the author is poking fun at all those ‘trendy white folks’ who basically see their gay friends as a social fashion accessory. Just join me in reading one of the best pieces of social commentary online: [Quote]:

“a gay friendship of any sort allows white people to feel as though they are a part of the gay rights movement. While white people love being a part of any movement, the gay movement is especially important to them because they can blend in at rallies and protests and spend an afternoon feeling the sting of oppression. Gay friends are an essential part of a white person’s all-star diversity roster. But they are always on the lookout for the ultimate friend; a gay minority.

It is generally accepted that a gay black friend with a child is considered a once in a lifetime opportunity – like a quarterback who can pass, run, kick, and play linebacker. White people will crawl over each other for the opportunity to claim this person as a friend and add them to their roster of diversity.

Other minorities are also highly prized and assigned a ranking based on the level of intolerance they face from their respective cultures and family members. Once a white person has told you about their gay friends, it is recommended that you say “I wish more people were like you,” every few months. This will allow them to feel good about their progressive choice of friends and remind them that they are better than other white people.” [Image credit:http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com]

Scoring 12 million hits in just over three months, http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com is a must read if you’re white, middle class and can stand watching into a mirror that exposes how most of us really feel about the world we’re living in. A truly outstanding piece of brilliant, but also utterly entertaining anthropology, in 88 conveniently packaged episodes

Antwerp pride 2008: cashing in on gay “rights”

In an expected move, the leading privately owned Antwerp gay clubs joined with Antwerp city council in organizing the “Antwerp Gay Pride 2008” on June 26-29 2008. Although the festival is an entirely commercial event with hardly any emancipatory value whatsoever, Antwerp city council reveled in the prospect of countless ‘double-income-no-kids’ big spending gay tourists flooding the city again. Even a gay city map came online recently.

The Antwerp city logo (a red A) is all over the websites announcing non-events like “antwerp pride” or the even the ridiculous “navigaytion” festival, a ‘liberating’ experience where 20 local riveboats are stuffed with half-naked gay men, dancing to ear-deafening house music while getting drunk on expensive champagne sold by ’sponsor’ Piper Heidsieck.

All this ‘pride’ accidentally caught the attention of the Antwerp Hilton (those nice folks related to Queen of bad taste Paris Hilton), who were obviously more than eager to offer expensive ‘gay accomodation‘ (condoms included) and sponsor this Antwerp ‘festival of gay joy’. Just in case you’re not into drag queens, local clubs are presenting “skin-, rubber-, army-, uniform- and slave-parties” during this ‘pride’ weekend. Don’t you love this town?

Let’s face it: the ‘2008 gay Antwerp pride’ does not focus on pride, equality, real HIV awareness, gay rights (we’re fully covered) or any worthwhile cause: it is a right-in-your-face effort by Antwerp city to attract as much gay party cash as possible, assisted by a ‘non profit’ organization dominated by the owner of Belgium’s largest gay dance clubs. Make sure to bring your kids folks, and don’t forget your cameras: freak-show time! [note: the author is gay]