Running off into 2009

While a blanket of unusual freezing cold air is driving the locals to the warm shopping malls, let me leave you with these Antwerp Santa Run contestants as 2008 ever so slowly starts to fade into 2009.  Compared to any standard 2008 has been an utterly amazing year: financial giants disappeared into oblivion, the world’s economy crashed to the floor whereas we all became involuntary participants in a play non of us could have imagined writing. May 2009 bring you stability, peace and happiness, wherever you may be  [Update: I intend to be out to photograph the 2009 riverbank fireworks in front of my door, but I may prefer to stay inside if the temps drop any further]

Magic pre-Christmas images of Antwerp, part two

OK, so I’ve been virtually trampled, squashed by “desperate housewife” Christmas shoppers in search of that ultimate present intended to save their ailing marriage and blocked by busloads of  “oh my, this marzipan looks so cute!” seasonal visitors in a frenzied shopping spree.

But in the end, while not forgetting the far from pretty economic reality, let’s enjoy these Antwerp Christmas images  evoking a magic that may be profoundly artificial, but still remains much needed and appreciated by most of us. Have a merry Christmas next week.

Run like Santa, but don’t crash into the shoppers

“Santa runs” have become quite popular the past few years. Basically, they’ve got it all: dressing up like Santa, racing to beat the clock, all with a jolly “ho-ho-ho” smile on your face. This year’s Antwerp organizer Q-music (a national commercial radio network) decided to make it more difficult to win the grand prize: wannabe running Santas will have to face the hard-to-handle obstacle of a downtown shopping crowd, late next Friday afternoon. I’m not sure who’ll be most at risk: the thousands of running Santas or the seasonal shoppers.

The day Santa Claus short-circuited Antwerp

It’s a well-known fact politicians just love Santa. Much like themselves, Santa is overflowing with promises he can’t deliver, with a jolly “ho-ho-ho” attitude that conspicuously sounds like the verbal diarrhea most politicians are famous for. So we weren’t exactly surprised that when Santa came to Antwerp last Friday, our local dignitaries fell over each other for a chance to accompany his glittering golden coach, drawn by two snow white horses. The gold was, in line with all expectations, fake. But I digress.

Let me rewind to the moment Santa arrived at Antwerp Central station, a sumptuous 1900 style railway cathedral. I’m not sure how Santa reached your happy town (in a Hummer?), but given we’re European we do prefer the more classic touch.  Suitable transportation meant a golden ride along the golden shopping mile, making convenient stops to push strategically positioned buttons, a generous act that lit up the exclusive upscale Antwerp shopping center, much like the legalized prostitution mega-complex near my home. As long there are flashing lights, people have a natural tendency to get into a suitable mindset. Stop me from digressing any further here.

Anyway, by the time Santa finally arrived at the Christmas village in front of Antwerp cathedral (a weird mix of seasonal XXX “marzipan penises”, “fresh juicy sheep bones for your dog” and 100 “eat until you drop” stands) my hands were virtually frozen, but trust me, I kept on following the camera crews from the mainstream media like a bloodhound, taking pictures until my finger went into stand-by mode.

Obviously, I did not miss the grand finale when Philip Heylen, alderman for Tourism of Antwerp (surrounded by more cops than a presidential candidate) finally allowed Santa to make his Christmas market speech, glorifying the benefits of a multi-cultural town. When my elderly neighbor suddenly loudly shouted she had been “mugged yet again in his multicultural shit city”, police gently escorted her away. Hey, if you start doubting the magic promised by the Antwerp PR dept, you will be assimilated , like in  “When the truth starts to hurt, it’s time to remove it”. Although that may sound like a GW Bush statement, I did make it up myself. Really. Before I forget: when Santa pushed the “lights on” button, half the Antwerp Christmas market short-circuited, including the traditional 1900 era merry-go-round. An omen, for sure.

The evening ended with more seasonal glamor, with Philip Heylen opening the “Christmas funfair”, a most bizarre 2008 concept involving a giant Ferris wheel on the riverbanks, along with the banned booze-stands and a number of totally unseasonal fun rides (care to be “shaken upside down” at high speed in the freezing cold? Antwerp city believes you’ll love it).

The evening came to a spectacular close when Antwerp mayor Patrick Janssens (ex marketing company CEO) opened the city hall ice skating rink, with countless party members visitors waving glittering firework sticks. I for one preferred not to burn my fingers and had a free cup of  instant soup, followed by a  60° proof liquor donated by the Norwegian embassy, those nice folks who provide the yearly tree in front of Antwerp cathedral [more seasonal opening night photos to follow asap].

When Santa almost crashed trying to skate a few meters/yards in that drag queen suite of his, I knew it was really time to go home.

I can only assume your Santa experience has been slightly more traditional, but do let me know if it wasn’t.

Magic pre-Christmas images of Antwerp, part one

Left: a trendy upscale fashion shop window in Antwerp’s, Belgium most expensive retail area reflects the buildings from across the street into the images of these seasonal mannequins. Right: the bright evening sunshine turns the big ferris wheel alongside the Antwerp, Belgium riverbank pier into a giant mirror, accentuated by a dramatic blue/black sky. Let me know if you care for part two.  [Please click to enlarge these images]

How dangerous is the 2008 Antwerp Christmas skating rink?

No panic, fellow Antwerp citizens and visitors: you will most likely survive your visit to the 2008 Antwerp Christmas ice rink and Christmas village. But then again, there’s a infinitely small chance you will not. As I spent the past few days photographing the build up of this annual top event, I witnessed some disconcerting security issue I felt morally compelled to warn you about. More joyful pictures, taken after the grand opening and earlier this week at the riverbanks when the setting sun engulfed the pier with an enchanting glow to follow. Tomorrow, Friday 12, Santa will pull a switch, light up the town and officially open this ice rink.

But imagine my consternation when I got a call from a friend (“I feel one of the 2008 Antwerp Christmas mobile ice rink shelters may not be 100% safe, check out the construction right now”) and personally observed this ice rink set-up today (cell-phone camera image):

Like you can clearly notice, these huge pre-fabricated units that will overflow with 100,000s skaters changing their clothes and gear, visibly appeared to be only supported at the edges by a stack of loosely piled up bricks. And no, this is not a temporary set-up, this is all the support that was provided, given the construction was closed with a wooden cover minutes later. A staff member noticing I was targeting this shoddy set-up rushed out and tried to stop me from taking this shot. Would you feel safe skating here?

Shocker: Flemish Liberation Army against Freedom launches bomb website

Belgium is in total shock after the FLAAF (the “Flemish Liberation Army Against Freedom”) launched a horrific website in English tonight (screen shot above, check out www.flaaf.be), featuring three bone-shilling terror videos (in Arabic, with Dutch sub-titles).  Whereas the “axis of evil” video will send shivers down your spine, watching “smart bomb” and the “Vulcan of justice” will make you sick to your stomach (but stay informed: watch these atrocities now!) . Obviously, Belgium immediately raised the “homeland security level” to red, so make sure to check out the horrendous videos over at www.flaaf.be.

The 30 second Christmas tree

Can’t life be simple? Like in this dated video presentation, I decided to stop wasting energy this month and got myself a stunning “instant Christmas tree” in what feels like a one minute post. I probably even beat a record setting it up: from opening the box to ‘brightly shining’ in 15 seconds. I did spend much more time with my camera, recording some quite impressive images at the Antwerp Christmas market and Ferris wheel this afternoon. Please hold, I’m still processing over 200 (and yes, that’s way too many) images, but several may be worth your time. Some of you also do appear to enjoy elaborately ‘preparing the seasonal activities’, but I basically believe in great food and equally great company, far away from a kitchen. And trust me, the “far away from any kitchen” is mandatory.

No inspiration? Let someone else write your blog posts

Bored? No inspiration? Pressed for time? Depressed? Just plain lazy? The solution is simple: let someone else write your blog posts (I once allowed my elderly mother to give it all a spin, sat back and had to save the furniture) , or use this ‘great’ blog post generator from Australia. I just clicked, producing this superb prose:

Holy crap! I just got slapped with a wet salmon – really – I have not updated this since Paris Hilton was in jail… You would not believe the phat set coming through right now. I prostrate myself in sorrow and beg thy forgiveness.. I am flat out like a lizard drinking with finding Jesus (after someone told me he was lost), homeschooling five children, just generally being a delightful mistress to anyone unfortunate to cross my path, my day is a magical flight from when the nightclubs close to when I am begging my kid to go to sleep, or so help me God that kid will be decorating my wall, ‘Duct tape still life’. I am secretly pregnant. But who cares. I will try to remember I promised you if one more person emails me to ask why I haven’t posted today,  I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals. You wanna test me? Assuming I don’t get distracted by counting my chest hairs..”

Before you run off and cancel your RSS subscription to Antwerp Calling,  I promise all further posts will be hand-written, word by word

Santa Claus does Antwerp, in drag with his black slaves

I will be focusing on “images of Antwerp” during December, a month offering so many photo ops that I hardly know what to post first. Some of these shots may be taken with a cell-phone cam (no, I won’t drag a large camera in the windy/rainy giant Ferris wheel that is currently being constructed right at the edge of  Antwerp’s riverbank Christmas village), along with some forgotten but often unusual shots showing “the stuff I didn’t blog about the eleven previous months”.

To start off with: Dutch Santa does Antwerp. I know, he looks like an anorexic white drag-queen, accompanied by dozens of fake (like in “turned ‘non-white’ using theater make-up”) black slaves.  No, there’s no connection with the USA, my dearest readers, we just have extremely weird local Christmas customs (video). Have fun and keep on shopping, we have to save the world’s economy!