Sex, crashing planes and Belgian beer

It’s way too hot inside to type anything meaningful, so let’s just hope this YouTube video link (found on a local blog) is not yet on your “seen it a million times” list. Actually, it’s a French HIV/safe-sex spot aired by M6-TV. The fade-out captions in French are real fun

I’m not sure how you feel about this older piece of CTV comedy though.  Quotes: “Belgium: the only country that makes Luxembourg feel good about themselves”. “Before those Waffle-humpers change the formula”. “We all know how Belgians bottle their beer: that little boy statue pees in it”.  Sure, it’s late night comedy, but we all wonder what all the fuss is about when we taste a “Bud light Lime”. Lime?  Well, given the questionable taste of AB beers (most Europeans wouldn’t touch a Bud), let’s not get too patriotic boys

   [Messy lay-out? WordPress does not allow to align videos.]

‘Mummy, there’s 10,000 watts of music in front of our door’

I know, these past few months I’ve had an ever so slight tendency to whine about historic downtown living. Explosive AC wiring, invasive tourists, yet another huge penthouse construction site disturbing the tranquility in what will always be a hotspot, all these issues were slightly pushing me towards contemplating a more peaceful existence in the greenbelt surrounding Antwerp.

But it’s often hard to come up with a feasible, realistic and balanced bottom line when the only voice I can hear clearly is my own. Visitors (like in friends and family) are often impressed: they just love this place. “Wow, you wake up to the sound of birds, with a penthouse view of one huge cathedral ànd a stunning church, both appearing on the Unesco world heritage list!”. “Oh my, you can almost walk from your bedroom onto the 1001 historic outside café terraces in front of medieval city hall !”. Yes, I can. And indeed, this area looks like a historic version of Disneyland, with an ongoing stream of shows, attractions and many, many visitors. [My photos: please click to enlarge]

Sure, Antwerp riverbank living can be thrilling, but I’m still wondering about the larger view, the everyday bottom line. I know this is my choice to make, so here are just a couple of todays images, while I’m listening to the live, ongoing Hadise concert at one of the countless free open-air festivals. From my balcony. Great voice, 10,000 watts worth of free entertainment. I wonder how a non-native would feel though.

Shocker: Belgium hit by killer weather

After countless weeks of regular relentless rain with 15°C temperatures (50°-60°F), Belgium was hit today by piercing rays of high intensity sunshine, blinding local inhabitants who were stunned to notice temps reaching 30°C/90°F. Emergency switchboards were flooded by anxious non-local callers, asking for guidance on how to handle what can only be labeled as a touristic disaster. “This is going to put me out of business”, a desperate umbrella shop owner, located in front of Antwerp cathedral exclaimed on the 6 o’clock local news, “this town feels like southern Spain today. But my customers come from across the globe to experience the renowned “Original Belgian Rain..” (TM/SM pending)”.

All TV channels are advising Antwerp citizens to drink plenty of fluids, avoid exposures to these potentially cancer-inducing UV rays and to frequently check on their neighbors. A police squad guarded the main public open air pool on Antwerp’s leftbank, making sure to be ready for any incidents or panic. Antwerp tourist office staff are currently handing out multi-lingual flyers, explaining to astonished foreign tourists these weather conditions are exceptional, with a firm promise the well-known Belgian rain would return. Promised. Some local hotels are considering to offer full refunds if these extreme rays of UV sunshine continue to wreck havoc with tourists seeking the “original Belgian rain” (c), a 200 days/year classic [My unusual, non-edited, cropped original photo: Antwerp Cathedral: a rainbow without the ''Original Belgian Rain",  lousy Service (Mark) pending, (Trademark) and (copyright) 1830-2008]

Belgium: the country that never existed

It’s July 21, independence day in Belgium, [live TV video] a tiny kingdom by the sea that basically never existed. It’s raining, as usual. There’s still no federal government. It has taken a couple of years, but the Dutch and the French speaking Belgian communities are both finally living on entirely different planets.

An imported king who speaks a language that’s not mine will go on national TV and read a boring speech about “finding new ways of living together”. Tomorrow he will board a private jet, fly off for 2m to the Mediterranean with his Italian born wife, trying to get away from a country that couldn’t care less about its national independence day. Let’s drink another ‘Belgian’ Stella and try to find someone who can fake being  “proud to be Belgian”  :-)  [Confused about Belgian crisis news? So am I: check out my best posts on Belgium right here]

Just in case you’re the last Belgian patriot: the National Anthem, in Dutch/French/German (watch the Belgian Royals and have a laugh)

“The Baby Who Fell to Earth”

My brother just phoned: he is the proud father of a baby girl.

However, the delivery details sounded like a story you read in your local morning newspaper. I’m tired, so here’s a very quick recap. His wife checked herself into an upscale maternity clinic, one of those places where the mother is pampered with LCD cable TV, a fully functional internet connection and a video link, just in case the child is premature. A place that will cost a small fortune, but has a reputation to deliver top quality pre and post-natal care.

After the attending gynecologist had registered significant dilatation, my brother’s wife was wheeled into a pre-delivery room, where unfortunately the whole process came to a grinding halt. The physician decided to let nature take its course and wait for a natural birth, the mother’s personal wish. He left the room, with only a monitor and my brother checking her status. It all must have taken way too long, given that the nurse left too. And then it happened.

“The monitor suddenly started to beep alarmingly, with my wife going into very fast contractions”, my brother said on the phone. “I walked out of the room to call for assistance, but no one was there. In fact, the entire gangway looked completely deserted”. He apparently tried the phone, where a voice menu prompted him for a numeric destination. Checking back on his wife, she was going into full labor, with major dilatation. “I could almost see the head of my child, and I was basically left to my own devices”, he told me with some emotion. He then ran all the way to the entry, where a desk nurse followed him, running back towards the distant delivery room. The healthy baby girl was delivered by the attending nurse, assisted by my brother. When the monitor alarm was finally muted, a stunned midwife rushed in, uttering “but this wing was empty, according to my screen”.  It wasn’t.

I’m proud about how my brother handled the entire ordeal. But somehow, I do hope your offspring got slightly more attention during childbirth

Update 6 pm: I just returned with my SO from the maternity unit: lots of smiling faces and heartwarming laughter. I was given a card announcing the birth of baby L, which I was allowed to post (after removing the names and addresses). Their photo composition made me smile ;-)  On the card: my brother’s daughter (left), his 2 yo son (right), and yesss: right in the middle: my brother’s pregnant wife. Like you may have noticed, we’re a mixed race, liberal family, living in a quite liberal country.  Sound asleep: baby L. Below: my SO, dozing off, next to the all-singing-and-dancing LCD display that are all over this maternity clinic (pressing “HELP” will only start a tutorial for this phone/internet/TV/food/etc hospital system. Nobody will come to assist you. Weird.)

Power failure: the encore performance

[July 17 update] If you’re a regular reader you may remember my explosive, water-induced “flashy” start of 2008, when my AC power blew due to water infiltration in these cute historic walls. Well, it just happened again, fortunately only affecting the circuits powering my bedroom, hall and front area of the house. ‘Fortunate’ now sounds inappropriate: I lost many AC outlets, turning my home into a camping-area-with-AC-extension-cords. And obviously, I always dreamed about using a flashlight to find my SO in my pitch-dark bedroom.

Finding an Belgian electrician in July is slowly becoming the archetypical nightmare (the real pros all seem to fly off to Spain together, like a flock of birds).

Part one of what may become a long story (brace yourselves, here we go). I got up real early today, browsing the online yellow pages for a qualified electrician. So I let my fingers do the walking/talking, only to notice that most were on vacation, too busy, ‘did not understand what I was talking about’ (this country is multilingual with an influx of labor from East European countries) or politely reminded me that Monday July 21 was Belgium’s national holiday. Finally, I found my pink elephant: “sure”, a ‘qualified electrician’ said on the phone, “I’ll be there asap”. ‘Asap’ turned out to be 7h later.

My pink elephant was kind of rude, pulled all the AC sockets out of the walls (without bothering to put them back) and finally claimed he ‘found the culprit’: the main AC power lines under my bed (buried deep in concrete and as dry as they come) were short-circuited. So he claims. No clue what caused it, but yes, he would call me back to schedule ‘repairs’, obviously ‘asap’, meaning ‘after July 21′. Repairs might involve trying to pull out all the damaged wiring, or just cut into the concrete, under my bed. Eh, wait a minute, did someone actually say ‘cut into the concrete under my bed’? Oh yes, he sure did.

OK, care to join me while I pour myself a great Spanish wine? I’ll turn on an old-movie cable channel (yes! the TV still has power!) and we’ll pretend we don’t need AC power at all. Bare with me, and feel free to share your “juice”/AC power stories: they will make me feel better. For the time being, I still have internet access (and a sense of humor). Both may evaporate, and there’s no telling when. [Update July 22, six days later: power was finally restored]

Summer in Antwerp: “can someone please show me the exit?”

This shot shows exactly what it looks like when I step outside of my Antwerp home these days: countless tourists, wall-to-wall, crowding all terraces, not asking but demanding to have their picture taken, stepping on my feet, yelling “move, you’re blocking our view” while dropping ice-cream cones. I know, like any respectable Belgian, I should have booked a package deal this summer, including a flight to the sun: within two hours the warm Mediterranean beaches are there to enjoy. But hold, isn’t that Mediterranean coast in July/August just as crowded as Antwerp? In all honesty: it’s even much worse: wildly inflated prices, crowded beaches from Spain to Turkey, forest fires, congested roads, unbearable heat, outrageous full taxes on every flight: it sounds like a touristic paradise How’s your summer?
[Update July 15: someone found the exit: (CNN): Belgian premier & government offers resignation. I just love this country].

Happy birthday Flanders!

Happy birthday Flanders! The July 11 show in front of city hall was just perfect. More to follow.
My photo: the yellow Flemish Lion flag flies on top of Antwerp cathedral at noon, July 11, 2008.
[Please click images for details]

Quote:
“Flanders, the Dutch speaking majority in Belgium celebrated its official “national day” July 11, 2008. The Flemish Community Holiday on 11 July remembers “The Battle of the Golden Spurs (Dutch: De Guldensporenslag, French: “bataille des éperons d’or”) , fought on July 11, 1302, near Kortrijk in Flanders. It is considered one of the main reasons that Dutch is the language spoken in Flanders [Belgium] today. The day is remembered every year in Flanders as the Flemish Community’s official holiday”.

Related: A funny ’social/political’ note: while the Dutch and French speaking Belgians have been on an neverending, ongoing political collision course during the past 50 years (especially regarding Brussels, the rather arrogant Belgian capital - once a Dutch speaking town, now ‘bilingual’ but in reality +90% French speaking, right in Dutch speaking Flanders), we do poke fun at each other. Even when a number of parties are doing their utmost to split Belgium.

In 1986, Sandra Kim, a 13 yo girl from French speaking southern Belgium, won the Eurovision song contest. It was the only time Belgium [links to wikipedia] actually won this contest. Today, 22y later, Dutch and French speaking Belgians are still poking fun at each other using her song. If you can understand spoken or written French, check these YouTube videos On top: the 1986 original, second one: a Belgian/Dutch speaking actor making fun of the French original, in French, with French subtitles. 22y later that former 13 yo girl, now a grown 35yo woman, is still making a living based on that singe “j’aime la vie” song. At present, she’s ‘featuring’ in a soap TV commercial

Climbing Antwerp cathedral, 400 feet high

I climbed to the top of Antwerp Cathedral yesterday. No, it’s not what you think: you cannot just buy an entrance ticket and leisurely walk up to the top of this 123 m (400 feet) monument as if it were a Disneyland attraction. As this 700 yo cathedral tower is not open to the average walk-in tourist, it involved quite a lot of planning. You ascend over an endlessly revolving, ever so narrow, spiral, seven century old staircase, step-by-step, along with 15 others and a qualified guide. The experience is quite exclusive: 16 participants, once a week, only during the summer vacation.

Appropriate shoes, a bottle of water, the ability to climb 400 feet, sanitary precautions (there are no toilets on top of a cathedral tower ) and no fear of heights or elevated open spaces are essential. The 700 yo Antwerp cathedral staircase is too narrow to allow for simultaneous ascending/descending visitors: we were briefed extensively on the do’s and dont’s during this exclusive experience.

The whole experience (neglecting the gray, rainy Belgian weather at 18°C/65°F) was a dream come trough: as I can see Antwerp cathedral 24/24 from my living room, actually climbing it was a real thrill. The best part of it all? Facing the huge bells (some weighing over 6 tons), along with watching the inside of a impressive carillon I can hear hourly. Although the Antwerp cathedral bells are partially computer-controlled these days, the carillon is not, with weekly live performances of classic masterpieces, resounding over the entire historic Antwerp downtown. I videotaped part of the climb and subsequent skyline views, but for the time being I hope you enjoy these pictures (please click to enlarge).

Apple iPhone 3G released in Belgium: $960 sim-lock free

During a much-anticipated press conference Mobistar (a France Telecom company and Belgium’s second largest mobile operator) today released the details of the Belgian Apple 3G iPhone3G , to go on sale July 11th, our local ‘independence day”. Belgium is really a unique market for Apple. Unlike most countries on the planet, Belgian law does not allow to subsidize the sale of a phone (Apple’s 3G iPhone) with the sale of a subscription, making it very hard to find a solution for Apple’s iPhone3G business model.

After extensive last-minute pressure from Apple’s HQ, the Apple iPhone3G will go on sale in Belgium next Friday: (network) SIM-lock free in 28 Belgian Apple and 150 Mobistar stores, without a “forced upon” subscription, although Belgian operator Mobistar is the only one with a iPhone-targeted content portal. Over 85% of Belgium has full 3G coverage.

The price for all this “legal freedom” is extremely steep: 525 EUR (US $820) for the 8GB 3G iPhone, along with a staggering 615 Euro (US $960) for the 16 GB version.  Digitalworld.be [in Dutch] quotes Apple’s COO Tom Cook, who allegedly said: “who cares about Belgium? [pop 10 million]“, “let’s concentrate on the Chinese”. Let me quote digitalworld.be: “This is way out of line Apple, you greedy f***ers “. Do check out this great cartoon.

Anyway, I’m pleased to say that I’m not sponsoring Apple’s greed. Are you? [Belgian Mobistar/Apple optional, inflated cell-phone plan prices (with data limits) for the overpriced $900 Belgian iPhone 3G ]

YouTube: Apple’s Steve Jobs at the US developers presentation: “In almost all of these countries, the price is US $199, all around the world”.  At $960 (+monthly voice/data plan) for an iPhone3G sold in Belgium, the word “almost” just got a new meaning, dear Steve

Related: Switzerland’s Swisscom appears to be one of the other carriers where Apple’s iPhone 3G is also available without a mandatory subscription. Unfortunately, at EUR 320 (US $500) the Swiss Iphone is network-locked. As far as I know, Belgium appears to be the only country where Apple is selling a (network) SIM-lock free, no-contract iPhone. But at 615 euro (US$960) plus an indispensable/expensive data plan to use all data-intensive features, Belgians enjoy the privilege of being offered the most expensive iPhone on the planet.

July 9: ZD.net Belgium [Dutch only] reports that the total material and production cost of a 3G iPhone adds up to only US $173. Time magazine also covered this ‘Belgian’ story, one day later. Update July 11: the first iPhones were sold at Mobistar in Brussels at midnight: watch the video [Dutch]. Warning: The iPhone3G is, by design, [in French] not compatible with popular MMS (photo-to-phone) messages, not compatible with 3G video calls, not compatible with Mobistar’s own video and music service and not even compatible with Mobistar Mobile broadcast TV channels…  Adding insult upon injury, Apple/Mobistar appears to have locked the iPhone3G to Belgian networks only. Check at the bottom of this page:”The device can only be used with a Belgian SIM card“[removed July 15], implying a (legal) country SIM lock to prevent cross-border sales, although Belgian buyers can use the device on all 3 Belgian cellular networks. After numerous reports of alleged (illegal) aggressive iPhone 3G voice/data-plan pushing in Mobistar stores, I’d stay clear of anything labeled “Apple”

Antwerp port day: ride a Sky-Watch, get on TV

Sometimes, it takes a lot of effort not to get on the six ‘o clock TV news.

Today we had the pleasure of taking part in the Antwerp port day [in Dutch only], that once-a-year chance to visit the behind-the-scenes part of the huge port of Antwerp [video in English], Europe second largest. I won’t bore you with too many details, but after a free boat trip we ended up in a “Sky-watch“, an impressive movable crane lifting 20 visitors 50m (165 feet) high.

While I was really looking forward taking some stunning shots, a TV crew from ATV boarded the platform, preparing an item for the Antwerp 6 o’clock news.

As we were on a tight schedule [getting the boat back, preparing to attend the open-air evening dance/concert in front of numerous huge antique cranes and a pile of containers (more later)] I had no choice but to take the ride with a TV news camera crew, a crew that really couldn’t care less if I had a great view or not.

You may have cute looking/big-breasted reporters, ATV, but next time I’m on a “Sky-watch”, please board later.

Your “big tools, big breasted” crew almost spoiled my ride.

[Please click to enlarge. I'm obviously only referring to my picture]

Happy 4th of July America, from all the folks in Europe!

To my American readers: I wish you all a very peaceful Independence Day. If any “fire” is really needed, please focus on the barbecue

If the 4th turns into a boring “we’ve done this all before’ event: just spice it up, as suggested by the European Union. By the way, I, along with the Dutch speaking majority in Belgium, will be celebrating July 11th, with the official Belgian July 21st celebrations being largely ignored in my area. I spent my Belgian 4th of July shopping  downtown - a favorite American recreational pursuit

Emergency!

After a not-so-great leisurely swim at the Antwerp city open-air riverside Olympic pool yesterday (30°C/90°F, with a most unpleasant assault incident involving some rival gangs and the police, fun!..) I’m just clearing my balcony. I know, this map will leave you with a “so what feeling”, but trust me: under that blue central blob the Belgian capital of Brussels is hidden, while those nice bright red spots are moving north towards a place that reads “Antwerp”.

This is actually part of the online severe weather warning system, with “red” meaning “hold on tight, this won’t be a gentle summer shower”. Lightning is striking everywhere at present, with hot air from France bumping into much cooler air from Holland.

I should be visiting visited Di this afternoon, but I doubt whether we’d be able to enjoy and we enjoyed a most pleasant time on her huge balcony. I could bolt everything down and just let is pass, but the violent rain, hail and lightning will cause gridlock in this city that looks like an neverending building site. [Dutch rain radar, live]

By the way: I shot some amazing pictures at Navigaytion last weekend (+500 of them, the best are still not online). Anyone for a second series? Enjoy your day, I’m hoping my 20 mbps high-speed internet connection won’t break down under this deluge of wind, lightning and rain