Rauning the gauntlet: gay marriage, without having a clue

I recently stumbled upon an online item written by someone “formerly bi-sexual, turned gay” that slightly amused me. For five seconds, then I just got the familiar “so what” feeling.

Anyway, this grown-up guy pretends to be intelligent, has very young children but unfortunately is right in middle of a very messy divorce (an ongoing tragedy, especially for the primary victim: his wife). Tragic, but kind of common these days. While some people do have the gift of foresight, others could need some protection from their raging Testosterone.

Keeping a long story short: our tragic hero recently pretended on-line to be discussing marriage with his new 20-something gay lover, having dated him for only a couple of week, while in the midst of his divorce .

I posted this item out of pure disgust, watching this arrogant man destroying the life of his wife, as I cannot condone morally unacceptable/damaging behaviour , but this pitbull “straight-’father’-turned gay” continues to fill my mailbox with anonymous hate mail while posting threatening comments at this blog.

Anyway, I’m not into denouncing the egocentric lifestyle of yet another bisexual who gives priority to his raging hormones. Unfortunately, his poor wife is a push-over and no match for this egocentric “I want it all, and nobody will stop me”

[quote from "biggaypicture.com"]
“Look, life is sometimes confusing, people make mistakes. I get that. But I honestly don’t understand the lies that so many of these “bisexual” men seem to tell, or the fact that they insist on sleeping with men without telling their wives. You want to sleep with men? Fine, face up to your spouse, get a divorce or separation, and *after* the divorce try sleeping with men.

But to potentially expose your wife to HIV without telling her? Are there really bi-sexual guys this selfish?”

Yes, some of them are …

Virtual reality dating, 2006 edition

After some late night browsing I wasn’t really surprised stumbling upon http://www.liefdesverdriet.nu/, a dutch-only website that tries to approach love (and losing a loved one) from a more or less scientific angle. It has all been done before (you might be familiar with the MRI brainscans of Neurologist Dr Helen Fisher of Rutgers University, New Jersey: “Love is not an emotion”: http://ur.rutgers.edu/magazine/article/Visions%20of%20Love/40/) but the Dutch author touches on a few more disturbing issues.

Over the past years, relationships have increasingly been influenced by the perception of “market value”: looks, brains, age and social status have always been selection criteria, but the advent of the internet has resulted in a tidal wave of pick-choose-and-drop “choice”, making it both harder and easier to find a potential partner. While there is nothing wrong with having more choice, the perception of dating as an activity that is being consumed and swiftly discarted is really a disturbing trend.

In my experience, online dating has its virtues, but it can just as easily turn into a gigantic virtual playground with no rules, no bounderies and a neverending stream of “virtual” succes stories.
Trust me, I’ve been there

“Life is 90% maintenance”

“To all intents and purposes”, my late grandmother used to say, “Life is 90% maintenance”

I couldn’t help myself recalling her favourite phrase when Eric’s plane touched down on Melsbroek, Brussels Military airport. Just in case you missed out on ‘the previous episodes’: Eric is my diving instructor, my closest friend and basically my soul-mate; we can almost communicate without using words.  Unfortunately he’s also a trained commando, working for the Belgian army on military misions abroad.  If you care to read his latest blog items: http://spaces.msn.com/kunduz2005.

Anyway, we both shared the same emotions last weekend: he finally came home from Afghanistan and there was more than one reason to celebrate. If 90% of life really consists of maintenance, I guess coming home just did the trick

The “microsoft designs the Ipod” parody

You already may have seen him on YouTube and Google Video (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=36099539665548298&q=microsoft+ipod) - and sure, it’s one on those perfect parodies, showing how the best-selling simplicity of Apple’s Ipod measures up to the way Microsoft markets some of its products.

However, online sources at IDG (in Dutch: http://www.webwereld.nl/articles/40252 English: http://www.ipodobserver.com/story/25957) claim that the source of this material traces back to a MS employee.  

Goes to show that some MS employees do have a sense of humour left, if you ignore the tech guys at MS support - “this support issue will be billed to your credit card at 75$/EURO per incident”  ;-(

The greatest (gay) Love of all

Gay marriage still remains a hot and very controversial issue in the US, while overhere (that’s Belgium, Europe) we have a “so what?” attitude and society at large is very supportive of same-sex marriages (and even adoption).

However, Comedy Central US had a great item on the absurdity of the extreme right-wing US anti-gay, anti-gay marriage “pro family” movement - they poked fun at it by interviewing one of its representatives.  If you live in the US and get brainwashed by FOX-tv, this might be a suitable antidote: http://negative1.buzznet.com/user/video/play/2053/

Brokeback Mountain, part two

While surfing around some blogs, I came accross a couple of video entries that really made me laugh.

Brokeback Mountain might have been an emotional experience for some viewers, this parody is absolutely hilarious: http://negative1.buzznet.com/user/video/play/2050/ (also on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zfODSPIYwpQ ) - the original video can be downloaded at Chocolate Cake City.

Saving the best for last

6.15 am on a cold and wet 11th of March. I’m wide awake after quite a “productive” night.

No, this time all my energy did not come from a prescription bottle, nor did it originate in the obscure depts of my sometimes quite puzzling neurotransmitter chemistry.  My stomach simply decided that last January’s attack by a Rota-virus needed some more time to settle down.  The IV-drip back then was a real pain, considering that a tiny string of viral DNA was probably the basic cause for all the major discomfort.

Anyway, like I just mentioned I’ve been quite productive: I went through a full-version 2 hour tape of “The Hours” (USA 2002, with Nicole Kidman/based upon the novel by Michael Cunningham) while simultaneously recoding several XML pages on one of my websites, with a mp3-player providing a suitable audio background.

The Movie version of “The Hours” was most touching, with it’s now classic quote “What does it mean to regret, if you have no choice”.   No Whitney Houston this time, but the ghost of Virginia Woolf. Anyway, when it comes to coding or profound emotions, I’m not in the mood for eardrum shattering vocals.

I’ll catch some sleep around noon - with a rainy, wind-swept 8°C (45°F) I just long to get on a plane and leave Belgium - next month I’m off to Egypt on a Nilecruise.

I know, some guys have all the luck

GLAAD to be straight

While surfing around some blogs I just came across a video that now looks dated:

Just have a look:  http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1266541720730775952

Times may have changed, but you’d be surprised how much prejudice is still quite common,

just visit GLAAD: http://www.glaad.org for some eye-opening facts

Another Bucket Full of Need

In early September 1997, Mother Theresa died.

Some consider her to be a great huminitarian, but she had also very close links to a church that caused untold suffering by stubbornly refusing to accept the harsh realities of life.

I recently read a part of her biography, but I couldn’t get myself passed the extremist ”pro-life”/”no condoms” rethoric. I also felt quite uncomfortable watching someone living a life with (what is supposed to be) “only the need to give”.

The passed few days have confronted me with some major ethical and moral issues. Toy-Boy H. managed to get himself in trouble once again, losing another part of his structural foundation. While some people manage to take care of themselves, Toy-Boy’s limitations made me decide to offer some support. Like they say, everyone needs someone they can depend on.  However, self-preservation is a very strong instinct, forcing me to pull the plug if he were to become a disconserting risk for my own needs and basic security. 

Are you too surrounded by “buckets of need”? How do you handle them?

Let me use a biography quote that I do support: “Yersterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We only have today.  Let us begin”.

Amen

[yet another original post from my previous weblog at MSN spaces, those nice people that like censoring free speech]

Faking it, in style

After fake people, faked emotions and a general feeling of walking through a very shallow week, I finally decided to go all the way and jump into the deep end.   Basically, I actually tried a “legal drug”.

Well, you can hardly call it a drug - about 65 million men use it on a regular basis, but then, I’m in the prime of my live and in all honestry, my single drive was snow-white, virgin curiosity  .

The pill came in a tamper-proof container, turned out to be bright blue and was supposed to do at least something (www.viagra.com). Somehow ”The Real Thing” proved to be absolute thin air: after 1 hour I still felt as horny as a dead cat. After I read the instructions, provided some entertainment to get me in the mood, nothing. I must be a very potent guy: “look mummie, I don’t need Viagra”.

Thank you Pfizer Belgium, for the 2 hour headache - and yes, that’s all I got from sampling Viagra .

Original post from my previous weblog at MSN spaces, those nice people that like censoring free speech.

Freakshow Time

I know it’s kind of a “personal question”, but did any of you guys ever found yourself “par accident” on a dating or chat box?

Well, I did, and believe me, I cannot endorse the experience. It’s like every single guy online has more than one “basic flaw”, to the extend that Darwin was right: when your over a certain age and still single “online”, you’re either a life-long chaser, you just got handed a bad deck of cards in life, or just, (sorry guys) or you just don’t measure up. After an neverending stream of online wacko’s I gave up.

I wonder why on earth they ever banned freak-shows: because then, well, the freaks were at least rounded up in one place…

Have a freak-less day

Last Exit to BAKU, Azerbeydjan, Russia

I got a few complaints from people asking to post in Dutch: “you will drown in the +50 million blogs in English” (source: http://www.technorati.com/). I know that I’m the symbolic drop in the ocean, but English still gives me a wider audience and less complaints à la “say what?”.

Anyway, my diving instructor works for the Belgian Military and went off on a Peace Keeping -De-mining mission with ISAF to Kunduz, Afghanistan last autumn. I know, it’s a cold place, (-10°C is quite common), the area is mine-ridden and it has been no funride for six months during the winter in a rather basic environment, but then, someone has to do the job.

You can still read his weblog on http://spaces.msn.com/members/kunduz2005 (in Dutch only, but the pictures are great)

Last year their C130 military cargo plane got stuck in Baku, Azerbeydjan (Southern part of the former Soviet Union, close to Irak), apparently they just escaped an emergency landing.
His Name is Eric, there was cell-phone coverage (GSM) in Kunduz and he used a portable pc to update his weblog.

He will return at the end of March, and after 6 months in the snow, I will join him to Egypt on a Nile cruise
(average temp: 35°F/90-100°F)

Life can be great, sometimes

Hail to the queen

Let's face it guys, don't we all just love those oversized, over the top, high heeled drag-queens? We just love them, overhere in Antwerp. Basically they get away with everything we just would love to try. It's like watching Madonna in the (now almost ancient) "like a virgin" video clip: it sure wasn't just me getting that "truth or dare" feeling.

When we make that slow descent back to real life, things tend to mellow down, a lot: when the lights are on, we suddendy crave for that "straight acting look", which in itselfs is in a strange kind of way denying what we really are: not straight at all.

Anyway, once in a while Mr Right does turn into a campy Queen, and then "darlinks", it's time to find the nearest emergency exit. It actually happened to me recently: my Knight in shining armour turned into a campy Queen: unwanted GSM cell-phone calls during my well-planned diner evening, written and mailed insults: you name it, he faked it. Sometimes reality does bite, and apparently even cyberspace has it fair share of bitches. Hey babe, guess what: your 5 minutes are up.

Next one, please.

Virgin Snow

Late this night I was walking accross the wind swept square that separates me from the River, trying to get to grasp with the concept that once again, I was single.
 
I wondered what it would look like tomorrow, recalling a cover of virgin snow that turned it into a picture postcard just a couple of days ago, before it was unevitably turned in a muddy mess. I’m no longer white as virgin snow, and strangely enough a quote from Carry (Sex and the City) kept going through my mind. Without trying to sound too presumptious, I guess the copywriters from HBO (In Vlaanderen op Vijf TV) managed to touch an uneasy chord when they wrote
—
“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back.”
—
 
There I was, in the imaginary virgin snow, back from where I started, but no longer a virgin
Anyway, you won’t find many virgins in the Antwerpen area.

Enjoy the (predicted) wet snow guys .

Censored by Microsoft, in Europe…

We all know the story of the Chinese MSN blogs, censored by Microsoft.
More info how MSFT censors Chinese blogs:http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=MSN+spaces+forbidden+words

Well, it just got worse…

Due to continuing "issues" with MSN spaces here in Antwerp, Belgium, I have decided to discontinue posting English blog items at this location. The reason? Censorship by MSFT.

Microsoft censors MSN spaces in EUROPE (and not only in China..): if I use eg the word BITCH in the tittle of this blog item - I get a warning that I'm using a word that is "not allowed" (try it yourself if you're on MSN spaces/blogs)

"This item includes forbidden language. Please delete forbidden language from this item."

I was referring to a simple book title: "the bitch is back in town"

Apparently MSN spaces Belgium (in Dutch..) uses a US English (…) striplist of "forbidden words", limiting your and mine free speech, which was already mentioned back in December 2004.

The MS software-striplist behind these spaces just stops words that MS feels to be "not allowed" -and that's 1 big step too far.

More info about "banned words" on MSN Spaces:
http://www.boingboing.net/2004/12/02/msn_spaces_seven_dir.html

If you can't speak freely on a blog,
what's the point of having one?

The past few month I’ve been actively publishing on this personal MSN space. I”m not sure about the age demographics worldwide, but MSN spaces have become the playground for 16 year olds in my area, forcing me to focus on more “respectable” hosts that allows me to use the words I want.

Read the blog of a MICROSOFT employee on censorship:
http://scobleizer.wordpress.com/2006/01/03/microsoft-takes-down-chinese-blogger-my-opinions-on-that/

Update
4.50 pm CET: Microsoft Europe (Ireland) just payed me a visit at my former MSN space:
(ESAT BT Business Internet, Ireland, MSFT's provider in Ireland showed up in my logs, twice).

Well, dear MSFT Europe, I'm not even surprised.

Join Online Free Speech Campaign - click the blue ribbon

[ironic: the Blue ribbon doesn't show in Firefox ("do not show external pictures", but there's no way stopping it in IE6 :-)]

The Gay Divorcee

I wonder if any of you ever saw the Gay Divorcee: a now quintessential Fred Astair and Ginger Rogers movie that had nothing to do with being Gay. (Gay just meant “happy” in those days).
 
On a less “happy” note: I really got fed up with a bi-sexual man lately (the married variety with children).
 
Some of them actually seem to believe they can “have it all”: an easy, but fake life as a “respectable” member of their (straight) community, while keeping a gay lover ready for their not-so-straight needs. Most of them get away with it, some don’t.  Basically, they are living a blatant lie, both towards their spouses and lovers.  
 
When it does go wrong and their life turns into a shitty B-movie, they ‘d better do everyone a favour and  leave their self-created theatre.
 
Bi-sexual married men who subbornly want to “have it all”, on their own terms:
warning - stay clear, they’re “bad news”.

Keeping the peace, for real

As you may have read before, my best friend and soulmate Eric is currently stationed in Afghanistan, on a Belgian Peace Keeping mission with ISAF.
 
Unlike the mess the USA left behind in the middle east, the Belgian forces are on a true peace-keeping mission.
Most of Eric’s time is spent helping out civilians and removing the horrendous landmines.
 
These mines were left by US and Russian forces and still claim many innocent lives, everyday. Including children.
If you care to read his blog: you can find it at http://spaces.msn.com/Kunduz2005 (in Dutch only, but the picures are most impressive if you care to watch)

Stay warm, dear Eric.

20 something funride

Needless to say, we basically live in a culture that glorifies youth.
 
Unfortunately, when nature calls, this 20-something generation often blatently fails to deliver,
and we’re not talking about the fringe benefits here.
 
The day started like a local picture postcard: pouring rain and that perfect grey wintersky, although spring is in the air.
 
After having gone through the daily routine I found myself home alone, at my place,
with ToyBoy as my only and somewhat dubious companion.
We could have opted for a wholesome walk, but we decided that some elaborate cyber-cruising
would be great to blow away the freezing rain.
 
I had no idea that faith would decide otherwise.
 
It all started like some innocent fun: 1 PC, 1 webcam and 1001 guys-in-need
(I wonder where all the lesbians get their kicks).
 
Anyway, after an hour of chatting with an neverending stream of 40-somethings,
there he was: 22 yo, cute as apple-pie and more then willing. 
Dear Raf came from Northern Antwerpen (Westmalle, where they brew a great beer )
and to my sheer disbelief he rang my doorbell 1 hour after making online contact.
 
Raf walked inside like a full-time pro: “just an orange juice” he uttered with a perfect smile,
giving the impression that online and live-dating was the way he usually spent his days.
 
Unfortunately, after a 10 min, “20-something” encounter he quite abruptly decided that it was time to
look for some more fun elsewhere. Oh no, there was no problem at all, and yes, ofcourse
he did enjoy the ride, but then, this was 20-something country,
where you’re history after 10 minutes..
 
I wasn’t amazed, disappointed or confused.
 
I simply realized that I’m no longer a 20-something

 

Recycling the past

The past few month I've been actively publishing gay-issues related items on a personal MSN space. I"m not sure about the age demographics worldwide, but MSN spaces have become the playground for 12-15 year olds in my area, forcing me to move to a more "respectable" host, like WordPress.

Als a result you may notice that some new items are "recycled" from my previous MSN space, but I felt they had too much value to throw them in the bit-bucket.

Sometimes recycling the past can be a healthy experience

“Brokeback Mountain” and cultural antipathy to homosexuality

We all (well, many of us) saw the trailer, some of us were emerging moved from theatres after the screening of Brokeback Mountain (BM premiered in Antwerp on Feb 20) but I wonder, is there a universal truth in the simple, but very strong message in the storyline?

Maybe “Brokeback Mountain” just passed you by, so let me recap it:
“There are lies we have to tell. There are truths we can’t deny. But if you can’t fix it, you have to stand it”

Very basic, but very realistic.
And yes, I do believe some of us overhere may have had our own “Brokeback Mountain experience”. Minus the musical score. Minus the horses. Minus the marriage. Minus the children. And hopefully, minus the dramatic finale.

The fact remains that US audiences hardly ever see a non-US movie, missing out on a wealth of great movies with a gay theme. European producers have produced movies that are often more outspoken when it comes to gay issues, in sharp contrast with the overhyped “gay flavoured” US output that has to deal with an audience that is in majority very conservative. In reality it would be a very dangerous move, trying to be a gay cowboy in the US heartland area.

Many states in the US present an almost visual antipathy to homosexuality, while US society at large is eg not willing to embrace the concept of gay marriage. Right wing America even called this movie “The rape of the Marlboro Man”: http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=48076 and “The marketing of Evil”, ignoring the fact that “Brokeback Mountain” is a story about deep, profound but tormented love.

When it comes to gay rights, some parts of the US currently look like Belgium, many, many years ago.

By the way, I just noticed that a US producer of XXX-videos plans to release an “adult gay version” - seemingly called “Bareback Mounting”.

Apparently, when there is money to be made, it’s ok to be gay…